If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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