All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
