I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's Friday. Sex?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
