I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize