Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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