We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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