if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
