i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
