There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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