sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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