Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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