No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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