I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
