dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize