is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
