Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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