3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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