Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
