And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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