So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I deserve this hangover.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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