i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
