Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
