Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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