i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
