he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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