i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
