I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
