Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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