you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
