New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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