I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Of course I have a pirate flag
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
