speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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