): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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