I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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