Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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