I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
