...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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