have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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