If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident