i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
