New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence