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• (702): View more from Nevada

  The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.

  Fav 14 1138 5708

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.

  Fav 11 4176 1198

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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• (646): View more from New York

  My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.

  Fav 11 807 1641

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.

  Fav 21 1036 1443

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

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• (360): View more from Washington

  i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!

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• (315): View more from New York

  She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.

  Fav 7 497 955

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text

  Fav 3 436 257

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