so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT