well I can't set my house on fire every night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party