one word: firstdatebathroomanal
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.