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• (248): View more from Michigan

  well I can't set my house on fire every night

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• (315): View more from New York

  Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him

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  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

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• (619): View more from California

  Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party

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