Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
