you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
