I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
