He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
