we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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