Porn is love you can see.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
