The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
