i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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