What a fucking waste of an outfit
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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