omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
