Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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