Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
