whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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