Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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