My room smells like vodka and shame
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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