Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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