All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
