here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
