I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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