And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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