no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
