I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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