let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need moral support for this bender
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
