her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
