I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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