I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
