Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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