The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
