Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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