just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
