I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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