Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
