Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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